You may have heard about Spheres of Influence. On the other side of that, I think there are also Spheres of Tolerance. While Spheres of Influence consider what you produce and how you impact others, Spheres of Tolerance determine what you receive, what you let affect you, and what you do about it.
People tolerate words and actions differently, depending on whether those words or actions are coming from themselves, their family, their friends, or people they don’t know. In fact, some common characteristics can be defined in terms of this. For example, if you tolerate negative words and behavior from yourself, but you don’t tolerate them from anyone else, then that makes you somewhat of a hypocrite.
I think most respected people we know have a fairly low tolerance for negative words and action from themselves, a little more tolerance for their family and friends, and even more for everyone else. They set high standards for themselves, but they understand that not everyone feels the same way. This allows them to lead and guide without being pushy or condescending.